I don't know what it was. I couldn't tell you.
I only know that it changed me and continues to transform me, washing me in clarity, trust, and deep wisdom.... and I'm not fighting it (mostly). I simple realize that there are beautiful unfolding afoot and so, just like that, I am walking in a direction with three prayers in hand.
1. May I release attachment to outcome (meaning, may I simply follow my heart - do what is kind, loving, true, and inspiring for myself, others and the world)
2. May I surrender my fears (may I stop concerning myself with how the path has changed course, and instead, lift my eyes, soften my heart and keep walking -- because that, my friends, is what a pilgrim does -- the whole journey is sacred, not just the peak of the mountain).
3. May the will of the divine be MY will (I'm very accomplished at saying my prayers. I mean, VERY. But often they are like To-Do lists that I pass off to the universe, in the hopes that my life will be easier somehow. No more of that. I'm turning this bus around and saying, "take me, I'm yours -- I'm ready, willing, and I'll go where you tell me).
I once heard this story about this young man and an elder teacher. The young man was asked to do this very spiritual task: dig a hole. He did so, with very high reverence and devotion -- every shovelful a prayer. He went back to his teacher and said, "master, I've completed the task -- the hole has been dug. Please tell me my next task." The master, without a smile, nodded and said, "Very well. Now, go fill the hole."
That. Is. My. Life. Digging holes and filling them. Why? Because -- as it is says in the Bhagavad Gita, "you have a right to your actions, but you do not have a right to the fruit of you actions."
So, here we are. Right where we belong. And here we go. Again.
I love you. You are love.
It's time we learn to trust these things.
My teacher has told me many times that the feminine aspect of nature is like the river, and you just gotta "let her flow". I am understanding this more and more and more.... It doesn't matter if this means I relax into changing seasons, go with the tides of life, or simple soften my edges and rest into my surroundings -- or perhaps all of these things. It's Spring, and as we all "bud out" -- we each seek, in our unique ways, a movement toward what nourishes us, inspires us, illuminates us and brings us into our own beauty, color and magnetism. This is all about the feminine.... and so however we each choose to "flow".... may we all do so in a way that softens us, nourishes us, and awakens us to whatever nectar is longing to pulse through our lives -- as mamas, as managers, as creatives, as gardeners, and support staff, and especially as dishes washers and diaper changers... It's all the same and it is enough.