So often, we take ourselves and others so literally. And too frequently this results in misunderstandings and hurt feelings. In Yoga, there is a practice, as summed up in on word "vivaksham" that help us avoid such misfortune, and keep the heart door open.
Vivaksham is a Sanskrit word that means "intended meaning". Vaktum is the infinite purpose and means to speak or communicate through words. Icchaa is desire. Therefore, the word Vivaksaa is a word implying desire, and gives the listener the sense or desire to tease through words, and assert what is wanting to be said -- the meaning behind the words. The light behind the fire, as it may be.
As my teacher says, this is soooooooooooo important! For this we need to connect through heart, breath, and eyes, and to share a pact with one another (or you with the divine in the other if their humanness cannot access). The pact is to agree to always say in all exchanges and sharing of personal perspective, "I could be wrong... I may be wrong... this is MY perception."
If we cannot say " I may be wrong" then we are being strictly subjective, and nothing the other person says can be seen objectively. When this happens, we use others words to fit into our perception of reality and there is no actual connection. No dialogue. Only me taking your words and twisting them to fit into my world. Communication -- heartfelt communication -- is lost.
So for example, the get the vivaksaa of a speaker, try this: Let's say you and another have just arrived home. You walk up to your front door, and your arms are full, and so you simply say, "Door". What does that mean? What is the vivaksaa of the speaker? The vivaksaa is seeing the light behind it all, in and through it all, and the receiver hears, "Please open the door. My arms are full and I cannot do so myself."
Another example, is similar, but with different vivaksaa. You and another have just pulled into your driveway and you say, "Door." This time, the vivakssa is "Please press the garage door opener hanging on your visor." Same word. Different vivakssa.
Daily we communicate in a thousand subtle ways like this ....
As longing lovers, and seekers of truth, we need only to get the Vivaksaa of the speaker! Then words only create light and not heat!
And as my teacher also says, "THEN Devi Saraswati will abide on our tounges and in and as our hearts and keep blessing us with enlightening Language skills and open hearts!"
For the words we say are only a very small part of our communication. The way we say it, the heart space from which we speak, and receive the words and actions of others makes all the difference.
So, let us open some windows, and let the LIGHT in.