It was my vedanta teacher, Swami Vagishananda, who recommended therapy.
"It's a way to reprogram your insides" he'd say. I'd already been on that journey for some years. It seems that the amazing man I work with anytime something feels gummy or stuck is my "go to". Just like when I notice I am waking up tired or lethargic, I have a physical "go to" -- my Naturopath. When my heart is heavy, or my relationships are feeling sticky, I go see Bill.
Bill has seen me through it all. And he's pretty magical. Personally, I prefer him over the rest because he is not a licensed social worker, psychologist, or traditionally trained therapist. He is real, raw, energetic and clear. He's trained alright. But not once in our 15 years of exchanges have I heard the likes of, "THIS must be very difficult for you." (Insert gag reflex.)
Like he told me yesterday... "if you try this (whatever THIS may be be), you may find that in the beginning you aren't going to get immediate gratification... and you aren't going to get that satisfaction which comes with an emotional release... but you'll be able to stay in Love."
And then he said, "and besides, it appears as though what you've been doing isn't really working all that well for you anyway." And then he smiled.
Bahahahahaah! Laughter, tears, and all THAT came flowing forth.
We had another super memorable exchange, possibly ten years ago, after a particularly challenging session when my first marriage was dissolving, where I was putting my shoes on to leave his office, and he was sitting in the middle of the room taking notes on our session. I said, "Bill?" He looked up. I said, "Bill, Thank you. I couldn't do THIS without you." And he said, "Britt. Thank YOU. I couldn't do THIS without YOU."
True that. And some dang powerful stuff, I might add. I am better everyday because of him. And so too is my teaching, my marriage, and my relationships all around.
So, my "take home" today is THIS, and these aren't my words... but I can't remember who said them:
The spiritual seeker wants to pay attention. The spiritual seeker wants self discipline. The child wants candy.
The cycle of self gratification. The cycle of filling the void over and over again. This cycle results in emptiness. -- but not the "good" kind of emptiness where you feel yourself dissolving into the "all that is", but the kind of emptiness that leaves you feeling void, alone, disconnected and separate.
But the entering into the practice of paying attention. to every detail. and foregoing immediate gratification and desire to fix what feels broken inside? THIS is what blows open the gateway for you to feel eternally connected, empty in a free sort of way, available for life to come by at any moment and touch you, fill you with majestic wonder.
And so, as it turns out, THIS really is all there is. It's true.
I choose This. With every cell in by body. I. Choose. THIS.
To study with Britt, join her once a month downtown Portland for a donation based yoga class, at Yoga Pearl on Wednesdays at 5 PM, or better yet, come out to YogaFarm for an upcoming event and douse yourself in the wisdom of nature, and leave with some goat kisses... they're the best! ♥