What Scares Me Most

First, I saw this lovely dog in White Salmon... sitting outside the restaurant in the dark... just waiting for me... Is he/she not the most beautiful being?????

Whoofta. I am inspired by my dear friend and colleague, Rebecca Tryon on her OffWhiteLiving.com blog, as she is so willing to let it all hang out. It reminds me too of when another inspirational soul in my life stood naked before us all as she went through cancer treatment while we all sat healthily beside her and prayed that she would beat the statistics. Which she is doing.... The raw, unabashed truth in MY LIFE s that there are moments in my life where I am wildly scared.... I'm not kidding... WILDLY scared.

I know I am to be taken care of. Don't we all know that we will be provided for? Larry and I drove up to Husum Highlands Thursday, the B&B-someday-gonna-be-our-yogafarm-center, and it feels like we could do this!!! We could live there, run this place, own this place, and offer retreats and weekend get-aways that rock our world and the worlds of others. And I am afraid of the resounding questions.... #1)What if it so much work that I am exhausted, frustrated, wiped out and that all I want to do is to CRY all the time? (Could that happen? Really?) Am I strong enough? Really? 20 acres? 4,000+ square feet, is that just work!, work!, work!. Can I REALLY DO THAT??? and #2) And maybe the scariest of all... What the heck! What if we get up there and NOBODY WANTS TO COME?????

I'll say it again... I KNOW I will be taken care of. And I know my work is also to take care of myself. Where is the risk, really? I read my journal today that I started last year at this time, when I gently began to dream of this PLACE... it says this:

We wish to sell Cedar Ridge for
enough money to share and be set
and to simultaneously create our healing
center to return our benefits to
the universe in kind.

And so it shall be.

.... and then I wrote.....

The dream we have is to create a loving home and healing center.
With gardens and rooms for guests and karma yogis. To grow our
food; live in a consciously-built home; to love our animals; to create
and strengthen our family; in a community that seeks peace as an internal
and cultural principle. Yoga. Ayurveda. Whole Food Cooking. Becoming
Locovores. Living on the land and with the land. Loving on the Land.
Creating our Earthly home together.

And so it shall be. 9-20-08
signed, Britt Bensen Steele

There are times that teaching and practicing are my deepest refuge. I stand in front of the group, scared, crabby, and uncertain, and then the music starts... or I unroll my mat... and I feel my breath.... and I feel God.... and I know it is going to be alllll right.... This is one of those times. Todays classes at ClubSport were amazing for me as a teacher. Loving the students, laughing, dancing... and then came yoga... feeling strong, seeing everyone evolve so beautifully... watching bodies let go of tensions, and find their way to grace... nothing is better than that. And I walk out of ClubSport and Chia Chia has left me a big 'ol bag of green beans with a message.... "Dear Britt, Thank you for nourishing me. Here's some nourishment in return." Love, Chia(squared).

This life is sooooo good, do you FEEL that? How can we inspire each other MORE? How can we come together MORE? I long to look into your eyes, do you KNOW that? So I can see your wholeness see my wholeness see your wholeness. I long to know what you are afraid of and how I can serve you? I long to know that we can dream together?

It's the HOKEY POKEY Of life... we can put our left arm in and our right leg in. But there comes a time when it is time to PUT YOUR WHOLE SELF IN.....

What'd'ya say? Wanna hokey pokey with me? At the YogaFarm? Would you come? Really? What would you come for??? Let's plan a party...

AAAAAAhhhhhhh, This is all the gracious practice of svadhyaya... the art of self study. So we can be ourselves, live in truth. Be nothing but truth, light and honesty...