Whew. I made it.
Seriously. I have been thinking about you and thinking about you and thinking about you. Yes, YOU. You are one of the people I care about -- whether we have ever met or not, I know you have trusted some part of your heart, your time, your energy to me, and I think about you so often -- you as seeker, teacher, mama maybe, papa possibly... YOU... the longing lover, perfectionistic-balance-finder, you as yogini -- on the mat, off the mat, cook, and finder of fine and glorious moments: YOU.
I don't want to ramble on and on and tell you about my world, but I do wish you were a fly on the wall here at the YogaFarm. I don't want to talk about non-sense stuff that doesn't matter to you or feels like I am trying to sell you something or make you a promise I can't keep. I just want to stand naked before you, and say YES to all that you are.
I just want to love you.
Eeee Gahd that sounds ridiculously cheezy. But I mean it.
So, let me tell you a few things to let you in on my world.... and to crack open yours.
I do my very best to live my yoga every day. How you might see me doing it is ONE side because I reach out to share and inspire you when and however I can -- the "dark" side to this is that I too go sideways... my own edges wear thin... and I have moments when I think, "girl... you are so NOT practicing what you preach!" BINGO! It is THOSE magical moments when I drop to my knees, shed my armor of rights and wrongs and practice what I preach TO myself, FOR myself, BY myself.
NOW: You can do this too. If you feel ashamed or blame yourself for what you have or haven't done, remember this: shame and blame will only keep you stuck... right where you are. Put your light in the light and put your "dark" in the light. -- Last I checked, when darkness and light both enter the room, light always always (always) wins.
Wanna know another truth?
Here's the truth: I am dawg tired and it's all right. Both. And. I took on a lot of new projects ventures and expenses this year -- I am also giving of my heart and soul in a huge way. Both are true. Both are magic. I am super duper dawg tired. And I feel blessed beyond belief.
NOW: You can do this too. You can give and receive and give and receive and get tired and feel exhausted and wiped out and even watch your health suffer. Take it only serious enough to make a shift -- that might require tiny attending or it might require magnanimous attending -- a little or a lot -- it only need be "enough". Not too much, not too little. No outside prescription, just give yourself what you need to get back on track and then... you know... get back on track. Don't stop giving. Don't stop receiving. (This one seriously requires a post entirely its own). Here's the deal: you are not independent of your surroundings. If you plug yourself in and then pull the plug (on giving and receiving because you're too tired to give or have no time to receive), you keep nourishing a cycle of disjointed energy flow and disconnection -- you can always give... and you can always receive -- don't stop doing either and find each in the other. This is where the LIGHT lives.
I'll just speak to one more because its pertinent to my existence: I spend every day doing something for you because it nourishes ME. Not a day goes by that I don't create something for you -- sometimes on the land, sometimes on paper, sometimes on Instagram (seriously.... if you like what I am putting out -- you seriously want an Instagram account and you want to follow me -- that's where I post the most). Like just yesterday... I taught yoga (here, a community class that is by donation, to which you are always invited to join at the Yoga Farm), then I made breakfast for the karma yogis (you could have partaken), then we worked outside... covering the garden and planned our watering system updates (because we must plant it so we have wonderful harvest for our guests), we pruned and prepped the orchard, we inventoried the kitchen staples and talked about the next retreat and the menu -- to make it properly ayurvedic, seasonal, and delicious. (I say "we" because a neighbor and yoga student, and a karma yogini who has been a back-bone supporter of all I do for nearly a decade was here to support and participate.)
NOW: You can do this too. What do you love? What have you always loved? What inspires you? Bring it home. Bring it IN. Make it alive. Prioritize it. Offer yourself to it completely. Stand naked before it. Waste no time lamenting its evasiveness, but instead grab it by its essence and devour it. It will FILL you.
And maybe you say, yeah... easy for you to say... NOW. Yes. You're right. But I am also here to tell you I have heard the longing for decades.... And that longing WAS the answer. It still is. more than 40 years of the universe whispering sometime... knocking me to my knees other times. Divorcing me from my well-laid plans. Parting the seas to guide me one way and launching life-sized obstacles at me at other times to assure me that my strong will wouldn't have a chance pushing me through the wrong relationship (be it with place, person, location or vocation).
I love you. If you don't believe this, and you think I am just shining sunshine up your you-know-what, then I am mostly certain you have not yet discovered who you truly are.
YOU are the lover.
By the way -- it's a full moon in four hours. Just four hours. Pay close attention to your inner voice during these moments, my Love.... you're hearing mine on this page -- and its not nearly as important to you as your own.
She wants YOU to pay attention. (Saraswati that is.)
Om Saraswatayeh Namah.
Naked and in love.... with YOU!