Sometimes the body cries out against the will of the mind. When this happens for me, the call comes in a clear and simple word, "Stop." I beg, barter, plead. But my heart is strong and says, "No, Britt. You must do this."
Making the "right decision" in a moment, isn't always easy. For me, I often find the moments leading up to a "right" decision wrought with writhing bolony of all sorts. But, once the decision is made and voiced to those it touches, there is a deepening of breath that comes in and through me.. a knowing of "right alignment" that is necessitated by the simple choice to walk following my heart.
My friend and student, Diana, was awakened in the night, when poems often call to her... I had made an announcement the previous day to let go of some yoga classes. My heart and body had been beckoning me, and there came a moment when I knew I must do this. As decisions can be, it was difficult and heavy, knowing my choice might leave space in the lives of others left to the perception as void or abandonment. And yet, I knew I must.
When I sat in vajrasana on the floor of Diana's living room and she brough this poem, that came to her some hours after I announced a difficult decision, I felt calmed and clear, as if the universe was nodding and taking a deep breath through my own body.
Here is Diana's poem:
Squat on the floorboards
And let your life surge out of you
Hot, sticky, and wailing for attention
Red fisted fingers raised with demands
Your life wants you undivided
In treeforts and toeshoes
Clarinet howling at the mounting moon
Gyrating disgracefully to an untamed song
Be luminous, scraped and scarred
In mud and blood and bright green glitter
She wants shameless love to burn her
Brand her with its valor
She will seethe and storm and slam doors
Strand you with your reasons
Forsake your obligations
And fearsome responsibilities
Your life would rather be held against a raw heart
With all the ache and passion and mess there
Than sit cross-legged in some therapist’s chair
Wondering why her soul is barren
Why she won’t squat on the floorboards
And bring her life to birth.
There is a knowing that comes to us when we listen. Pausing. Focusing. Living what we know to be true and right in this body at this time. THAT is all there is. No judgment of our longings, addiction, and ways of being. There comes a time when we, simply, must do this.
May you have the courage this year to trust your heart without condition.